"I want to be rich; I need money."  "I want to be thin; I need to stop eating so much." "I want to own my own home; I need to get a job!"   For me, the difference between "want and need" is that want is a message you give yourself to express your dreams and desires while need is the direction you take to attain those dreams and desires. Wanting is a lower form of energy. It's not enough to merely want something in order to attain it.. It's the burning desires of "need" that fuel the deepest part of your soul into the belief that it's that item, person, etc. that will give purpose to your life. Want is though the birth mother of need. Sometimes you need something you didn't even know you wanted until the universe presents it to you.  I try to practice daily to not want for anything, but my ego self will generally win when I discover something that I absolutely must have, cannot live without, that I desperately NEED!

Enlightenment: the fine art of being able to stay sane, calm, aware and awake when everything and everyone around you should for all intents and purposes drive you completely insane, mad, feeling lost and alone.  It has been my experience that true enlightenment isn't for the faint of heart. It challenges you in your every waking moment. And just when you think you've got it, that you're one of the enlightened ones, that you can stay in your "divine" place when you're confronted with a challenge, you find yourself caught completely off guard and fall into the abyss of what is the reality of the human nature and it's ego.  My journey towards enlightenment has taught me that being aware of those times that I fall off the "enlightment wagon" is "Enlightenment", that it's the very nature of realizing my challenges and confronting my weaknesses that brings me closer to "enlightenment", finding and realizing the divine within me.  I believe there is only one true challenge I face daily and that is to stay awake in a sleeping world, and therein lies true enlightenment, what enlightenment means to me.


"Knowing others is wisdom; Knowing the self is enlightenment; Mastering others requires force; Mastering the self needs strength." ~ Lao Tzu 600 BC-531 BC)

My mommy's belly following a day of housecleaning and after she'd eaten 3 hamburger patties!!  Okay, but really, I want to believe that I come from the place where God and all those that serve Him listen from beyond the Universe to the souls already here on earth and hear the voids in their human spirit that need to be filled.  We all play a very important part in the lives of those we touch, and so I believe I came from a very wise and intuitive place, that saw all, knew all, and understood all, and placed my spirit into that place where I would be most needed.  I have not been the perfect daughter, nor did I have the perfect mother, I was not the most perfect friend, nor were there lessons I could have done without, I am not the most perfect wife, but I have tried to inspire, to understand, to console, and above all to love, I am not the perfect mother, but I have completed the circle and have breathed life into a soul that has entered this world and that will continue to inspire, to touch, and to love .... I really don't know "where" I came from but I do know that I came from love, to be love, and to leave with love and in love ... the mystery of "where" is not really important.  It's the mystery of "why", the purpose, that illuminates all!

Friendship!  I've been one of those folks that join social networks, like gaia, facebook. etc. but paticipate only as an observer, reading everyone's blogs, profiles, etc. I'd see everyone's long list of "friends" and say to myself, "wow, wish I had that many friends".  Well, the perverbial lightbulb finally went off this week.  The voice in my head shouted "when will you wake up, share your voice and stop sitting on the fence! " So this week I began adding some special friends, communicating with folks on these sites, and posting blogs.  What a feeling!  I've been getting such a rush from the incredible people I've become friends with online.  The diversity of people and stories is an eye opener and has given me such a new perspective on life.  So I realize now that its the friendships in our lives that nuture our souls and our minds.  Being a friend to others, you become a better friend to yourself!!  Bless my friends ... they are the wind beneath my wings!!

I am amazed at how many toxic people I encounter on a daily basis.  They include people who are angry, frustrated, negative, sad, depressed, nay-sayers, or just plain energy vampires.  For years I have read and studied as much as I could on enlightenment, thinking that if I found my personal enlightenment, that somehow I would no longer have toxic people in my life, or if I encountered some, that I could remain in a place of peace whenever our paths crossed.  But the more I understand enlightenment, the more I realize that it isn't about changing a situation or people or even myself, but rather it's about become awake, aware of the toxins, so I can fully understand the experience and have compassion for the other persons suffering.  The purpose of enlightenment isn't so you can tolerate or be pleasant to toxic people or situations but rather to recognize them for what they are, to be compassionate, to learn from the experience and finally, allow yourself to embrace what is healthy and to open doors that move you forward and close those that hold you back.

"Enlightenment is not imaging figures of light but making the darkness conscious."  ~Carl Gustav Jung 1875-1961

I've learned that love means to know the deepest experience of joy and pain in a way that no other experience in life can offer us.  When I'm in love, the joy is inexpressible, an energy that carries me thru the most difficult of situations with an internal peace ...  I am invincible.  When I don't feel love, lose love, or reject love, there exists a pain within me that clouds my every experience, and I  become incapable of healing on a very deep level.   Because of this I've learned how important it is to learn to LOVE MYSELF as a daily practice, taking the time each day to care for my body, mind and soul, I remind myself each day of my gratitutde in the people and the many small things in my life, and each day, I make time for myself and to BE with myself.  When I feel uncomfortable being with me, then I know that I'm not loving myself enough, and that means I'm blocking love from coming into my life.  So the truest of love begins at the source .... me!   Then and only then, love is an energy that flows from me and attracts love to me.  That is what I've learned about love!

Love must be as much a light, as it is a flame.  ~ Henry David Thoreau

Time is too slow for those who wait, too swift for those who fear, too long for those who grieve, too short for those who rejoice, but for those who love, time is eternity.  ~ Henry Van Dyke

Over the past years, I've been on a journey of self-discovery and spirituality that has helped me to grow but  my life remains out of balance with my lifestyle.  I'm stuck in bad habits and a very complacent lifestyle that isn't in balance with my personal growth.  My life will be more balanced as I create experiences that include more quality time with friends and family or becoming engaged in activities that are more reflective of the things that give me true joy and help me move forward.

"Life is like riding a bicycle.  To keep your balance you must keep moving".  ~ Albert Einstein

Money used to be a friend that treated me to lavish extravagances.  We used to travel in style, carelessly risking all for a moment of pleasure and excitement received from the "things" I bought.  That was then ... I was gainfully employed, had a sense of security, and even had a savings account.  After being let go from my position over a year ago, my relationship with money has changed dramatically.  My relationship to money is that of a husband and wife who have spent the good times together, and now have to rally to get through a tough time.  We have to work at our relationship.  We have great respect for each other, knowing what our limitations are yet recognizing our needs and desires.  I am grateful for the money that is in my life, and I respect it more than I ever have.  I used money in the past to comfort me when I was down, giving me what I realize now was a false sense of joy and strength.  Today, money and I are on the same page.  My relationship with money has shifted greatly and today  I consider money to be a blessing gifted to me to use with great thought and care.  I don't take money for granted anymore. I treat myself these days to moments and experiences, instead of things!  And as a result, I feel abundant beyond my wildest imagination!

"Sit down and be quiet.
You are drunk, and this is the
edge of the roof."
~ Rumi

What has given me the most strength in my life comes not from a moment of greatness, but from a moment when I was at my weakest.  It came when my father passed away.  The death of my father in March of 2007 had an incredibly profound effect on my life in all areas.  At first, I felt weak in the knees from the devastating loss I felt, but as the year progressed, I would find moments when an inner strength was evolving within me that both moved me and grounded me at the same time.  I felt immense courage to be myself in all the relationships of my life, including the one with myself!  And the journey continues, as I still find many times, when I need to find strength from within myself, I just think of my father, his love and his laughter, and there emerges from within me a strength that not only helps me to stand but gives me the courage to walk forward.  How I miss my father, but he continues to give me gifts from his seat in Heaven.  I will always miss him, but am so grateful for what he gave me both in his living and in his passing.  

The key word in this question is "GIVE".  I just recently re-discovered myself!  I married my husband 15 years ago and without really being conscious of it, starting adopting many of his habits.  He lives a very irregular life, runs a home-based business, and lives "for the moment".  I found it easier to "go with the flow" and not "rock the boat" and have spent the past 15 years living "untrue" to myself, running on "his" schedule not "mine".  I am super organized and had always lived with routines, traditions and schedules.  A day for cleaning, a day for shopping, a day for laundry, and so on.  I came across an old journal not too long ago and suddenly something (the ol' light bulb) clicked on.   I missed my traditions, my routines!!  So I set about getting back into my routines.   Each day I've scheduled some task or chore, one day for laundry, one day for shopping, one day for housecleaning, one day for cooking the weekly meals (that's an incredible time saver!!), and yes, one day that I call "Spa Day".  That day, with all the house chores done or on schedule, I can actually have one whole day to myself, guiltlessly ... I do a home facial, prepare a "spa" bath complete with aromatherapy, occassionally I treat myself to a massage at a spa, I spend the day relaxing with a good book, sipping on herbal teas all day, and go for long walks.  What an energy boost!!  I believe now that in order to truly "give yourself the gift of time", you need to organize your life to where you have daily and weekly routines mapped out to complete all the things that take up your time; otherwise they will rob you of your time.   Now I have more than enough time for myself, to refresh and recharge.  Time really is too precious to waste!  Routines and making time for family traditions is the answer for me.  Today, time is my friend and it takes care of me, when I take care of it!  Routinely "give" yourself a scheduled time just for you and it too will be your friend.